I have a CRAZY job and travel ALL THE TIME: Little Rock, Reno, Raleigh... Sometimes I think I should slow down, because I just wanna live in the moment. ""I'm an ambitious 36-year-old with a high-profile job. Sorry, couch potatoes and guys making less than 6K.

I run marathons on Saturdays and triathlons on Sundays. DON' T WASTE MY TIME.""Here goes nothing: I'm a 29-year-old gal who just moved from Boston.

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And then I started to hear it: that rote, robotic tone in my voice as I told that hysterical anecdote about the road trip to Nevada. The sheer mathematical volume was turning me into an asshole.

I started watching women and seeing patterns instead of people: Not to get all Louis C. here, but online dating is some radically underrated, the-future-is-now stuff.

Also, there's a specific place for you to talk up your hobbies, and it's not your handle, ILike Sexn Soccer. (And if they were, Ding Dong 9Inch Wong would take it every year.) All a username has to convey is "I'm not crazy." Your profile can take it from there.

Wouldn't this same sentiment—"I enjoy playing soccer in the park, and an active sex life is important to me"—sound less caveman-ish in your actual profile? Davidson: "People need to see your face, but shooting up close with a wide-angle lens makes your nose look bigger.

I'd end up on five or six dates in a week, sometimes scheduling Saturday brunch and dinner dates like a football player doing two-a-days to get in shape.

What would Pavlov say about a machine that lets you click a button and in return you might get the love of your life or a night of great sex? Sure, I had some apocalyptically bad dates, but most were a blast.

Have whoever's shooting step back just enough to get a three-fourths shot of your body."Urbinati: "White can wash out in photos, so if you're in shape, a simple well-fitting crew tee or Henley in gray is flattering and effortless.

To look more put together, try dark jeans, a slim-collar shirt, and a well-tailored suit jacket in gray—it reads more casual than black, less preppy than navy."Displaying your guts by completing questions like "On a typical Friday night I am..." and "I'm really good at..." will make you feel self-conscious and absurd— and that's normal.

Don't just ignore her message—text her and explain directly (but gently) that it just didn't click for you. When I finally logged on, I found out that they were right: It's all of that. The number of profiles I could scroll through was overwhelming.

It was a Whole Foods of my own sexual imagination—and I was shopping on an empty stomach.

Relax, don't overthink it, and remember that what you're putting up is the equivalent of first-date banter.